Chronicles of A Down Low Brotha

Caught Between Two Worlds

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Three's A Crowd

Well here I am blogging again about the Mario...Bernard saga.

Finally the truth comes out...  Turns out Mario, although he was married with a new daughter, and his friend Bernard who is married as well, who I talked about in an earlier post, he had deep feelings for Bernard.

The problem is today I took the day for myself, to catch up on some work. Lately, I’ve noticed that I have not been motivated to do much as far as my work is concerned. I’ve had several projects and things that I’ve been procrastinating on so I decided after the whirlwind that I had been through that I would try to get my head in the game.

Well last night I received a torrid text from Mario, who tells me that the reason why he treated me weirdly and backed off, was that he didn’t want me to get hurt. And he goes on to say he wishes Bernard could have told me that from the beginning. That his heart was with Bernard, and he knew he was in love with Bernard but just was expecting He and I to be a no strings hook up from time to time.

Mario’s: “hell you’re more attractive, more sexier, and better looking than Bernard.” Next text “the time we had was incredible, but I knew who I wanted to be with that’s Bernard and I do love him to the core! So tht why I realized I can’t be YOURS.”

My response: “I never claimed to want you to be mine in the first place, but I realize, all the bullshit you were talking was just your dick talking…. As I told you before, it would be nice to have someone I could build a relationship with that I can also kick it with on that level, but I’m not desperate.”

Mario: “You are a great guy and you deserve better if not more. This I can say I’m always here if you ever need to talk or a shoulder to cry on. You are my boi.”

Then more Bullshit!

Mario: “I do have deep feelings for Bernard. He’s a great guy and so are you! I just don’t like playing games so tht why I was protecting u as well protecting myself and Bernard. I do believe that we all are meant to be friends and if we have a 3 sum cool…. I hope you are okay? U okay? Are you okay with a 3sum? I don’t think I can handle your sexiness w/ you one on one anymore and NO its not you! Ok?

My response: As I told you already, I’m not desperate, I’m not trying to marry yo ass, and I don’t give a damn. You’re the one who took it there and now trying to turn it around on me. So no I’m not interested in having a 3sum with u. Apparently, 3’s a crowd….later dude!”

That was how our conversation ended via text. He called me a few hours later while I was working. I hesitantly answered and he acted as if nothing had happened, nothing transpired, and no words were exchanged. One thing that I have discovered quite frequently, is that many men on the down low, crave affection, crave to be the with the one that they envision as their “dream” but when the opportunity comes they fail to realize that when sex is involved, so are your feelings and emotions.

I can’t begin to count the many times I’ve gotten with a dude that seemed perfect, just for him to later spaz out on me, mysteriously disappear, or come up with a ton of excuses as to why they can’t “hook-up” anymore. I really am beginning to believe that many men who are on the down-low should come to the realization of who they are and what they are dealing with. Many times, a quick escape from reality in the form of a sex-charged rendezvous will not solve the deep seeded issues that come with the down low lifestyle. I am not one to become so in love or attached, as soon as I meet someone who is attractive and can put it down in the bed. I come to understand that down low relationships don’t vary too much differently than regular relationships with a spouse. Open and honest communication is key, and may brothas don’t do that because 3s a crowd. The truth of the matter is that it is quite difficult to effectively manage both sides of the equation. One is going to go lacking. Down low brothas please realize that 3 is a crowd and everyone involved has feelings so be careful how you treat your other brothers that are trying to handle their business.

Crowded out….

1 comment:

  1. Well said. I realize the need for downlow brothers to protect themselves from the straight world. However, what I don't understand is why downlow/gay/bi men can't be upfront and honest with other downlow/gay/bi men. Why deceive others they way someone has deceived you. I swear I feel I'm not cut out for the games, lies and emotional rollercoaster that comes when with wanting to love and be in love with a man. So much to the point where I'm almost content with living the rest of my life alone. It's too overwhelming.