A famed author and poet once stated, "A circle is a reflection of eternity, it has no beginning and it has no end, and eventually at some point we will be right back where we've been in our life." This statement could be hold no more truth than the place where I am right now in life.
Why I so quickly felt the need to cover up my feelings that night and tell my mother, my attraction for boys, was beyond me. I had always told the truth and never lied to my mother, but something in her voice told me that she wouldn't understand. After all i was only 13 years old, new to high school and was already trying to find my place in life, to add another burden would be completely irrational.
Hence the circle of life... Seeing the disappointment in my mother's eyes on just those two isolated occasions threw me into a whirlwind of lies, deceit, and my own self-destruction. It's funny how in this circle of life, it seems as if you end up doing the same things, over and over again. Unfortunately, this time its not my mother, its my wife that's discovered things about me, emails, pics, etc. Strangely enough, although the circumstances were different the responses were the same lies, apologies, and cover-ups. Fearful of my wife's hurt, disappointment, and shame, I have made it my business to protect a fabrication. I've come to the realization, that for so long I've lied and denied things for the sake of protecting other's opinions and perceptions of me, all the while not realizing, that I have all too many times denied my own happiness. I'm in a situation now, where I have to make a decision to break the circle and decide my own destiny. At this point it's not about being down low or wanting to experience multiple sex partners, it's about determining what makes me happy and being confident and comfortable enough to embrace what makes me happy without worrying about other's opinions
The circle of life is tricky, but eventually we are bound to repeat the circle in some form or fashion. Might now be the exact situation or people, but in some form we are destined to repeat, until we decide to break the circle and color outside the lines.