Chronicles of A Down Low Brotha

Caught Between Two Worlds

Friday, August 6, 2010

A Blast From the Past, part I

It has been quite some time since I have been intimate with a guy, or should i say released some sexual tension.  I'm starting to think that my well has run dry.  Partly because I don't want to deal with the games, the lies, and ultimately the prying eyes of my wife.  She is an enigma that bears further explanation in a later post.  However, living the down low lifestyle for such a long period, it always causes me a bit of anxiety to know to wonder if I'll ever run into someone out in public that I've had a sexual encounter with.  How would i react, how would they react, would i speak, would i just simply ignore that we saw each other, what would be the case?

Well it's happened to me on more than one occasion but not often.  I would often hook up with guys at bookstores, or online, but mostly online because I could hide be hid a faceless picture and be honest by telling the suitor, I was married, had a lot to lose, yada yada, you know the whole conversation.  But always after an encounter I would be afraid that I would run into them later at some juncture or crossroads, and what would happen. Even them damn glory holes...i cringe now.... Let me recount just a few of the times. Interestingly enough, one day while sitting in the barbershop, i saw let's call him "Brayden" car pull up in front of the shop and he got out and walked in.  His face looked like he had seen a ghost, and I wanted to crawl under my seat.  Not that he wasn't attractive and our four sexual encounters weren't hot because they were, it was just the mere fact that someone who knew something so private had now entered into his public space.  Long story short, he didn't speak and I didn't either.  The next day my wife and I were at the Nordstrom's fragrance counter when he and his wife walked by.  Enter casper the ghost again.  Only this time I wasn't phased.  Whenever, I am out with my wife I was always so careful not to give the slightest indication of anything being wrong.  (Being in the down low teaches you to hone your acting and lying skills)  But he kept turning around and looking back as if I were going to blast him. Later the next week he texts me wanting to get up, i simply ignored the text and deleted the number. Maybe because it was that he lied and said he was single, or maybe it was because his wife was pregnant.  I don't know why but I felt it wasn't even worth the effort.

Another time, I was in church, and during the welcoming of first time visitors, there he stood. And then our eyes met and I was said to myself "oh shit!"  (excuse me God for cursing in your house but...)  This guy let's call him Melvin.  Melvin was attractive and I honestly thought something was there that would be long term. Nice muscular body, extremely masculine, clean and well kept home.   We met on adam4adam.com one week my wife was out of town.  I remember the first night we met I ended up spending the night sleeping in his bed.  Everything felt right, felt secure, felt good for a change.  He and I slowly became friends and business associates, and even he did some contract work for my company.  But Melvin when he came up in church, blew my little world apart.  He found out I was in position in church, and I found out that he was a Bishop!!  lol and His brother was a well known Bishop.  We'll talk about Melvin more in a later post.

There have been, fortunately, two other run-ins in Wal-Mart, but nothing worth writing about and neither was the guy!!

But recently, my life has been in a transitional place, and I received a text from an guy "Bernard", I had once had an encounter in my past.  He and I had reconnected after meeting several years ago via a mutual friend at a conference in Minneapolis.  I definitely was attracted to him at the time, and I sensed that maybe he was interested in me as well but chalked up to him just being friendly.  We exchanged numbers and emails, and that was the end.  I never heard from him for at least 4 years. (at that time I was still in denial about the fact that there were other men on the down low, and because of that many times i missed the signs.  as a matter of fact I still do)  Fast forward four years to the present...recently, while on my journey of self identification, I happened to be on myspace, when i received a request from him, wow talk about a blast from the past.  He was more distinguished now, and married with a son! 

It started off as a friendly chat, but things eventually turned into a discussion about the mutual friend who recently came out to his wife, family, and his church that he was pastoring and has since closed the doors.  Turns out he fell all in love with some dude from Seattle and now he's moved to the west coast.  Anyway, the conversation, quickly turned into how good each of us looked from our pictures, and subsequently how each of us were attracted to one another back in the day but brushed it off because we were in the presence of our mutual friend.  The conversation lead to sharing naked pictures via text message and email, and occasional phone sex.  It got to the point that Bernard and I planned to get a hotel room together and now experience what we'd been texting about for months.  I got the hotel room and checked in and sat waiting in the parking lot for him to arrive. 
When he arrived, I was impressed, good smelling cologne, attractive, extremely masculine, and a nice bulge that i could see in his jeans.  We go to the hotel room and strip naked first, kissing, then licking each other's body parts, but the whole time he seemed very nervous.  I was a little bit nervous too because every 10 minutes his wife kept calling or texting lol!!  To say the least we didn't fuck but we did a whole lot of foreplay....  All this for some damn foreplay, you ask... I know right! To say the least that was the last time I saw him, or got off with him in person, but we exchanged the occasional text and email.

Well last week while i was away out of town, he sends me an email and says
"I know it's been a while since we've seen each other..> I'm horny....send me a pic"...  I replied with a cool i'm good man, and not in a position to take a pic.. holla later.  I ignored his advances to say the least but he insisted.  Well this week, he texted me and said, "clearly, you weren't impressed with our encounter, are you interested in a 3 some, i got a fine drop dead gorgeous nigga who wants to hook up?"  this intrigued me because I'm not too big on 3 somes in the first place, but i wanted to see who this fine, drop dead gorgeous nigga was.

Well he gave the guy my number, and i received a friendly and very cordial text from him.  To say the least i was a little hesitant and nervous because I don't like for people to give out my number without my permission.  But something intrigued me..and I'll update you on that as it develops.   Turns out Bernard, gets mad because I am texting this guy who he gave my number to.  He blasts me and tells me how he wanted it to be a 3 some and not a one on one with this dude.  Even though nothing has materialized....i'm curious to see what will happen.  For those who want to know I've post a picture he texted me, now you can see why i'm so curious.


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