Beating Myself Up

Its true, i'm beating myself up.  Yesterday, I did a self evaluation, and an inventory of myself, my actions, and my priorities.  I didn't like what I saw....i literally faced myself, my recent actions, and how I placed expectations on things that could never meet me where I need to be.  Sometimes you need to look at yourself in the mirror and realize the person you are....that's what I did... I said, "You are such a damn fool!"

I've been beating myself up.  I recently and I mean recently, experienced something that I'm still trying to wrap my head around.  You know sometimes in life, you'll make decisions sometimes that are not necessarily the most well thought out decisions, but somehow you throw caution to the wind and live in the moment.  Well I did that and now, I'm kind of second guessing myself.  Did I make the wrong decision, did I move in haste, did I let my feelings and my emotions get the best of me?  All these questions running through my head, lol.... and then there's the disappointment, the knowing that its possible that you're feelin' someone that is not feeling you.... How could I have been so naive, so foolish in my pursuit for fulfillment?  You would think I've learned from my mistakes.

Being on the down low, your life is in a constant state of paradox.  What to do? What to say?  when to resist? and when to give in?  I have come to realize that

Have you ever been there?  Checking the phone to see if there's a text, waiting on the phone to ring, or an email...that never comes.  I realized that after beating myself up, i've literally locked myself into a mindset that no longer requires me to require people to meet me at my standards or level of expectation.  So i'm beating myself up. lol..