"Its been 3 weeks"…..she sighed. Yeah that’s the tired and lifeless expression my wife gave me. I hadn’t even realized that the time had elapsed that much. In my head, I was thinking, how does she remember exactly how long its been? and shit I can barely remember what the fuck happened from week to week. I mean I'm not trying to be insensitive or not caring but shit...
Well my wife has started talking about the sex again or the lack thereof. See I’m married to a spiritual woman, who comes from a long lineage of pastor’s, clergymen, clergywomen, evangelists, and prophets (or profits if you so choose). But through all of our ups and downs she still stays committed to trying to repair and fix the marriage. She wants to know why i go to sleep each night without fucking her, am i no longer attracted to her, a man my age usually has a high sex drive, and the list goes on....No matter how many times I've said I was divorcing her, leaving, never coming back, how much we said we hated each other. Even when it's time to put the petal to the metal she somehow finagles her way back to keep me locked into the marriage. She believes in death to us part and marriage is honorable in all. The sad part is sometimes she can make me so angry that I feel like part of me has died. You see sometimes when you're on the down low you have to numb yourself to certain things or else you risk losing everything. Its a give and take and somehow the women or wife in my case holds all the wild cards...Some would say, well you're not locked in. .... be a man and if you want out then leave. That's easier said than done. I've always wrestled with this thing called fear of abandonment. Not so much anymore of people leaving me, because I really love to be alone and not bothered!! Shit a brother loves some me time... anyway but I am a loyalist, which I think sometimes works to my disadvantage. When I connect to someone I'm their friend to the end, no matter how many times they hurt or do me wrong, I always somehow finding myself forgiving them and bringing them back close. However, at this juncture in my life I have come to grips with understanding the fear of abandoning others who depend on me. Whether its job, civic involvement, church, friends, kids, and even down to the marriage that I often loathe, there is a fear of leaving someone else with the responsibility that once belonged to me. I mean I have stayed in jobs and churches out of the mere fact that I felt they needed me so I didn't leave even though I knew the expiration date for my time there had already long passed.
There have been times that we have fought and I have said some very mean things to my wife and she to me, but it never fails that when I man up and shock the fuck out of her..she wants to throw the pussy in my face as if that's going to make everything alright. As a matter of fact that shit makes it worse, because it doesn't give me the climax I get when I'm with a man. I mean I have had phone sex with guys that have made me bust harder than I have while fucking my wife. When we first got married, it was never this bad. We fucked all the time! But something has happened... I'm not as naive and young as I was then, I was able to ignore my feelings.
But my wife says, it's been 3 weeks since we've had sex. Don't you want this pussy? I absolutely hate to see her beg pitifully as if I'm this monster withholding the damn pipe from her. I will say it is utterly amazing that I can still fuck her and after its over I'm thinking about another dude. What the fuck is wrong with me. Don't get it twisted I still love pussy and how it feels sliding up and down on my pipe, but it's just that sex. Hell I remember one time we had a huge blow out fight and she told me to leave. Happy, I started packing my things, but when she realized what I was doing she came over and put her pussy right in my mouth. I ate that shit for points... haha
Reluctantly we fucked, i busted she squirted. I figure that will at least quiet her for a while, until she decides that its been another few weeks again. And then the cycle will begin again.
